13 years ago
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Cyst...
Yay! The cyst on my fallopian tube is no big deal. He even said I have the "perfect baby hosting uterus". Thanks, that makes me feel good but I had the "perfect uterus" last time too. It's such a different vibe going into IVF #2. I try to get excited and I am but I find myself with a million reservations. I have talked to a few IVF veterans and they say it's normal to not be the bright-eyed, naive, optimist that I was during our first cycle. I guess it's just a natural defense mechanism to be guarded. I don't find myself talking about it as often or blogging about it or telling the whole world. I actually feel silly talking about it. Last time, I couldn't shut-up about how I was so sure it was going to work. I can't say that this time and I am definitely not sure it will work. I know very well, first hand, that it could fail even under the best of conditions. I don't want to get hurt again. However, we are both "cautiously optimistic". We go back in two weeks to get our calendar, order meds, and pay. I love the hope that has flooded back into our life. If we didn't do this because we were too scared, it definitely wouldn't work, huh? We've got to try.
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I know how you feel. We kept the adoption quiet for years. It was awkward talking about it. But I don't think your optimism last time was ultimately wrong. You will be a parent, and that 1st IVF was a step on that path to that ending. Every step you take, that feels right, is leading you to "destination parenthood". No reason to lose optimism. All that 1st BFN IVF means, is that the path is longer with more steps than you initially thought. You'll still reach your destination. And you'll be better parents because of the trials it took to get there.
ReplyDeleteI never imagined, as a newly engaged girl, that it would take us 10 years (Matt wanted to wait 5 yrs, and the thought of that long killed me). We love you and pray for you guys. If ever you wanna talk about it all, let me know.
-Cher