Overdue...

I'm going to try to write a very long overdue update on the baby thing, infertility, the elephant in our life.  To sum up, we've been good.  I have been very distracted with school which has been sort of therapeutic for me.  I still have "one of those days" every now and then but generally, we are good.  Sometimes it's hard for me to admit or say in the exact words that I'm grateful that I don't have the extra stress of newborn.  I just realized that if our IVF worked last time, I would be 2 days away from my due date.  I am grateful.  I really don't know what we were thinking?  I know I would have risen to the occasion but we were so blinded by what we wanted, we kind of disregarded what would be best for us and the baby.  I have thought a lot about it and it wouldn't have been any fun at all.  I want to be able to stay home and snuggle my baby as much as I want, not worry about who will be watching my newborn while I go take a test, go to 12 hour clinicals, and trying to fit in hours of studying time.

It's nice to finally say we are officially back on the IVF train.  We met with our new RE, Dr. Heiner 2 weeks ago and really loved what he said.  I was pleased with the things he wanted to change from my last cycle and just grateful that he wanted to change anything at all.  Our last RE said she wouldn't do anything differently and I was really not comfortable with that.  How can you do the same thing and expect a different result?   Dr. Heiner was not thrilled with when we want to do the cycle.  We are tentatively scheduled for the first week in August, the week of finals and graduation.  I know that sounds crazy but hear me out.  That week would be the week of the egg retrieval.  I would have daily ultrasounds in the morning and then the retrieval at the end of the week.  My transfer would be the following week, no tests, no studying, not even working (I plan to take some time off after graduation to do absolutely nothing).  Following the transfer, I will be in bed for a few days and then we are going to Oregon with some friends to relax, de-stress, and try not to think about whether or not we are pregnant.  We can't change the vacation and I can't do it after in hopes that I will have a job that I will not be able to take time off from for 12 weeks.

Dr. Heiner asked if I get stressed during finals and yes I do.  But, that week is not the week I need to worry  about my stress level.  It is the following week where I need to be as calm as possible and I will definitely be able to do that.  I know stress is never an ideal thing in any situation but, really?  Stress does not impact the outcome of IVF cycle! If it did, no one would get pregnant from it.  Those 2 weeks of waiting to find out if I was pregnant or not were the most stressful 2 weeks of entire life!  I'm not kidding. I can't think of any time, even in the last 2 years, where I was more emotionally and mentally unstable.  Michael was about to medicate me...for real.  I'm looking for some validation that I am not crazy or making the same mistake we did last time.  I feel very strongly that I did not get pregnant last time because it was not the right time for us to have child.  I also feel very confident that we will have a child of our own someday and I hope that time is very soon.  I have been going back and forth the last couple of weeks and I feel like no matter when we do it, the time is right.  

I will start meds at the end of June and we are really excited about it.  Nervous, but excited.