Epiphany...

I stalk infertility blogs.  They are plentiful, unfortunately.  They all resonate with me in some way.  Almost every time I read a post I feel it's me writing it, which is unfortunate also.  Today, I read a post on a blog that made me feel this way again.  This was not unfortunate, however.  She wrote how she had an epiphany playing a card game with her hubby and realized that if card games on a Saturday night was all she ever had she was happy, content, and fulfilled.

I found myself agreeing again.  I realized I feel exactly the same way and I was a little surprised, a little not.  I'm I was hoping that one day I would be here but I never thought it would happen so quickly.  It helps that I firmly believe that it won't just be Michael and I for the rest of our lives but I still would be okay.   Probably better than okay, I would be great.  I am done being sad about our infertility.  I still long for a baby but I am so happy to be feeling like us, again.  I am thrilled that I feel like this one thing no longer consumes or defines our lives.  Of course I still think about it daily.  I always will and I will never give up on my future children.  But, there is a certain peace I feel when I think about it now.  Peace and certainty.

The new year brought a new attitude, new hope.  I am hopeful again.  With hope comes the possibility of disappointment and that is scary.  I have 100% turned this matter over to the Lord.  I humbly submit myself to His will and His plan for us and our family.  I know this all on His time (funny...I would get so bugged when people would tell me that) and it will happen when He wants it to happen.  I am certain that we have very special children waiting for us and they are our children.