You Are Cordially Invited...

Life is like a roller coaster and I feel like I might throw-up.  I am going to take this opportunity to vent a little and throw a little pity party for myself.  You are all invited.  I would most obviously be lying if I said throughout this process I didn't have a severe case of the "why me's" at some point.  I have thrown enough pity parties over the last year and still have my party decorations...I'm busting them out!  I must preface by saying I HATE feeling sorry for myself.  Hate it!  Hate it!  Hate it!  Okay, you get it?

When I am down I try to immediately pick myself back up because I feel like I have no business feeling sorry for myself.  I know how great our life is.  One of my biggest pet peeves is people moping around and telling the world how hard their lives are.  But, I do believe people deserve to tell their stories and deserve to mourn, grieve, and recognize how hard life can be sometimes.  This is one of those times but I swear when I am done, I will pick myself back up and list five things in my head that I am grateful for.

Michael's second job has been a huge blessing but it has been incredibly hard on our relationship.  We never see each other and it's just going to get worse once his schedule changes in a couple of weeks.  I am grateful that we sleep in the same bed because sometimes, that is all we can do.  I wish Michael would make a post because he has all the perspective on his job and I know that whatever I am feeling in this regard, it's a hundred times worse for him.  I was given my summer school schedule and I am already incredibly overwhelmed and wishing it was over before it even starts.  My school schedule and work schedule, combined with Michael's work schedule will leave us with about 30 minutes of quality time, between the hours of 12a to 12:30a...if we're lucky.  August can't come soon enough.

Money is the root of all evil.  I have never known this to be so true.  We have had so many trials with money since finding out how much dough we will have to shell out for this.  I won't go into the details but let me just say, it sucks and we can't seem to catch up.  Don't get me wrong, we are not struggling to pay our bills or put food on the table and I'm grateful for that but we can't seem to adequately build our "baby fund".  There are too many things that have just popped up.  We have feared three times over the last couple of weeks that Michael might have to quit his second job and it devasted us.  Luckily, the scheduling worked out and he can retain the job, however, with a craptastic schedule.

April 12, 2010

I saved this post until I could I finish it and now reading back, I despise myself.  Yes, everyone is entitled to feel the emotions and feelings they have.  It's all apart the human experience.  A trial is a trial, no matter how big or small.  But, I just can't be sad about our situation anymore.  Sometimes, I have no idea why I get myself so worked-up.  Yes, this hard.  Yes, this is emotional.  But yes, I am meant to be a mother and yes,  I WILL be mother regardless of how we manange to finance this.   I have learned an infinite number of life lessons that I am truly grateful for.  When I told  my mom about our money situation she simply said, "That's life".  I am sure we will again find ourselves in a situation where we have saved money for something in particular and have to use for something we did not plan on.  Truly, that is life.  Pity party officially over.  Thanks for coming.