17 weeks...Pop Goes the belly!

My belly hasn't quite gotten the message that I'm pregnant but my boobs sure have! (I don't think my boobs or belly are quite this big...I think the angle and lighting are deceiving)

How far along? 17 weeks 0 days
Total weight gain? 7+ lbs...I haven't gotten on the scale lately.  No thanks.  I feel bigger this week.  I will just wait until my 20 week appointment to find out.
Maternity clothes?  Not yet.  I am excited to wear the clothes I bought.  I bought a bunch of stuff from Old Navy...mostly shorts and stuff for the summer but they all still kind of drown me so not yet but soon!
Sleep? Still sleeping great.  Woke-up to pee a lot this week.  I have been trying to up my water intake so that is probably why. 
Best moment of the week?  Totally baby unrelated.  Michael does NOT have cancer!  I know this sounds random and I don't think he would want me to share details but I will just say,  I was terrified Michael had colon cancer due to some issues he had been having and the family history involved.  I always had this morbid fear of Michael dying but now that I'm pregnant, it's even worse.  He had a colonoscopy and everything looks fine.  I almost forgot I was preggo this week due to everything going on with him.  On a side note, he has to have surgery on his ankle soon so that will be fun!
Miss anything?  Nothing much this week. I'm loving everything right now!
Movement?  The flutters are getting stronger! I feel like it's just a matter of time before I start to feel real, consistent movement and I can't wait!!
Food cravings?  Jimmy Johns!  I have no idea why? I told Michael I wanted Jimmy Johns and he asked me if we could just go to Subway.  No way!  Not the same. I rarely ate Jimmy Johns before I was pregnant, probably because there isn't one super close and we have a Subway right around the corner.  I wish there was something I craved that I can keep in the house.  Still most things don't sound great.  I still like fruit but I don't crave it.
Anything make you queasy or sick?  I had a pretty good week with sickness.  I felt really crappy one night and I remember saying I hadn't felt so bad in months.  I can't remember the circumstances now. I was laying in bed last night and couldn't sleep (it was midnight) because I was starving and it was starting to make me sick!  I finally had to pull myself out of bed and make a piece of toast with peanut butter.  That doesn't happen very often, thank goodness.
Labor signs? None yet, thank goodness.
Gender?  BOY! We are holding off buying stuff and planning the nursery until the 20 week ultrasound, just in case but I definitely don't think it will change.
Symptoms? Hungry! Lots of pulling, cramping, and stretching this week.  I have become very aware of my belly.
Happy or Moody? Happy and RELIEVED!
Looking forward to...? Choosing a name.  We have a handful now that we like but we are waiting for one to stick.  I am pretty sure that his name is on the list right now but not sure which one it is.  Yes, we probably won't be giving it up anytime soon.  I used to think that was annoying too but now I get it.  Too many people have too many opinions.  But, we don't have a name yet anyway.  We are probably going to be in the hospital and still not have a name!
Realization of the week?  I need Michael more than ever.  The slight chance of losing him drove me mad for two days.  I realized I take him for granted sometimes just because he is so good to me and spoils me like crazy.  We are team and I need him and his little boy needs him.  I love him more than ever.

16 weeks...It's a BOY!

This is a little late because my camera died but oh well...

Still not much to show off...16 weeks 0 days

It's a little BOY!!

How far along? 16 weeks 1 day
Total weight gain? 7+ lbs...I have only gained a pound according to my last doctors appointment.  The midwife was slightly concerned but I am definitely not.  I am surprised I haven't lost more weight since I only eat about half of what I used to.  I definitely eat more often though...about every 3 hours.  Overall, 7 lbs according to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Maternity clothes?  Not yet.  I am in my last pair of good looking jeans.  I shelved the maternity jeans for the time being because they drown me.  I have no real bump yet!  People keep saying it will come and then I will wish it never did but I can't wait to finally "look" preggo and fill out those jeans!
Sleep? Still sleeping great.  Weird dreams sometimes.  I wake-up a few times during the night with a sore belly, like I did a lot of crunches the day before.  It is a lot of pulling and pressure and stretching.  I think my belly grows at night and my days sleeping on my stomach are numbered. 
Best moment of the week?  Finding out Baby H is a HE!!  Let me tell you...shock! I laughed and cried so hard when I saw that teeny-peeny.  I felt for a long time now it was a girl.  We had a girl name.  I knew how I was going to decorate the nursery.  I pinned bow making tutorials on Pinterest.  That's how sure I was.  Dumb, I know. All the old wives tales pointed to girl and most people guessed I was having a girl.  I think everyone was surprised!
Our world went from dress-up and dolls to cars and dirt in 2 minutes!  We are thrilled!  My sister has two boys whom I love like my own.  Everyone keeps telling me...they don't call them "mama's boys" for nothing.  We are starting at square one.  We have no name, no nursery ideas, no idea what we are in for really :)  We are excited!  
Miss anything?  Nothing much this week. I'm loving everything right now!
Movement?  Little flutters still.  I can't wait for a few more weeks to feel some real movement in there!
Food cravings?  My appetite is slowly getting back to normal, although I can't eat as much in one sitting as I used to.  I really craved Jimmy Johns sandwiches this week.  I ate it a couple of times!  Yum!
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Nothing right now.  I did throw-up again this week and it was really random.  I wasn't even eating at the time.  I don't think baby boy likes bacon.  Three out the four times I have thrown-up, I ate bacon.
Labor signs? None yet, thank goodness.
Gender?  Very much BOY!  We got an ultrasound at 15.5 weeks and there was NO doubt.  He is all boy and was NOT shy!
Symptoms? Tender boobs, indigestion, tired this week for some reason.
Happy or Moody?  I have to admit I was a little moody this week.  I don't know why.  I have been more tired and feeling like I work all the time due to crazy mix of nights and days.
Looking forward to...? Meeting our little guy!  I know we have about 6 months until that happens but knowing it's a boy makes me wonder what he will look like and what kind of personality he will have.  I can't wait to snuggle him!  I am also looking forward to decorating the nursery!  And, my bump of course!
Realization of the week?  Oh my gosh, we are having a boy!  It is still sinking in because my head was all about girl for 4 months.  I guess "mother's intuition" isn't all it's cracked up to be :).

15 weeks...

I want to pretend there is a bump but...

How far along? 15 weeks 1 day
Total weight gain? 6+ lbs...I got on the scale and it said I lost 2 lbs since I weighed myself last. We will get an official weight on Wednesday when we go to the doctor.
Maternity clothes?  I have been wearing a pair of maternity jeans for a week now.  They kind of drown me but they are SO comfy.  My regular jeans are just no attractive anymore...they hug me in all the wrong places.
Sleep? Still sleeping great.  I'm back working day shifts which means I am tired a lot earlier in the evening than I was before. 
Best moment of the week?  Hearing little baby on doppler again!  It was the second time I could hear the heartbeat! I usually just hear the placenta and the little one squirming all around but I found the heartbeat this time!
Miss anything?  Feeling normal when I eat.  I am starting to get my appetite back but now I usually get a wave of nausea in the middle of eating which quickly passes but it usually means I am done eating.
Movement?  Little flutters still.  I haven't noticed them as often which is why I got the doppler out (I was a little nervous).  I can't wait to really start feeling things move in there.
Food cravings?  Not really anything yet.  French fries always sound good. Why?  Why does it have to be french fries?  I resist most of the time but I did eat a Subway sandwich the other night and got a side of fries at Carl's Jr.  Who does that?
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Like I said previously, in the middle of eating most of the time.  We did go to Wal-mart yesterday and passed the bikes.  I had to plug my nose because the smell of rubber instantly made me queasy.
Labor signs? None yet, thank goodness.
Gender?  I can't wait to find out!!! I think girl this week.
Symptoms? Definitely indigestion.  It doesn't hurt but if I eat later in the evening, it creeps up on me. I recently discovered Tums, thank goodness.
Happy or Moody?  Happy!  I love being pregnant.  Michael says still very dramatic :)
Looking forward to...? Finding out the gender! I can't wait to start planning the nursery! I also can't wait to have a bump!  I see a difference but no else does.  I look at pictures of pregnant women at 15 weeks and feel like I should be more noticeably preggo but I guess not.  I mostly still just look like I need to lay off the donuts...which I probably do:)
Realization of the week?  Just a few short days until we possibly will find out the gender! My doctors appointment is on Wednesday and we will possibly find out after that if the little one will cooperate.  I can't wait to start shopping!

14 weeks...Hello 2nd Trimester!!

14 weeks 1 day...forgive the hideousness. I just got done working 3-in-a-row...brutal.

13 weeks 3 days

How far along? 14 weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain? 8+ lbs...I have gotten back into a gym schedule motivated by none other than Us Weekly story of Jessica Simpson.  Sorry to say, she has over done it.
Maternity clothes? No. However, something will need to be done about my scrub tops.  I just can't fit comfortably in most of them anymore.  I am not ready for maternity scrubs but I also don't want to buy bigger ones, especially since the hospital is going to uniforms when I will be 32 weeks :(
Sleep? Still sleeping great. I am practicing sleeping on my left side but I don't like it for too long.
Best moment this week? Seeing baby on ultrasound, again.  The little stinker was so wiggly they couldn't get a good measurement of the neck.  Everything looks great!  Baby is measuring 14 weeks at 13w3d.  I am a little worried that I will have a giant baby.  Michael was almost 10lbs!  Hopefully, my genes will contribute to this one!
Miss Anything?  Nothing much.  I am loving being pregnant so far, even the rough bits of it. If I had to choose something, I miss not being hungry! I am getting tired of eating, especially when still, nothing sounds good.
Movement? We played with the doppler again at work.  It confirmed what I think I have been feeling for almost a couple of weeks...I am already feeling some movement.  Not all the time, but here and there.  I told the ultrasound tech that I know it's early but I swear I am feeling some movement.  She said she was sure I could feel it because my uterus is tipped.

Food cravings? Still not really anything. I never used to drink milk and I have at least a glass a day so that's new for me.  Food in general still is not my friend. I have puked four times since being pregnant, all during or after eating.  Twice in the last two weeks.  I hope this isn't the start of a trend.
Anything making you queasy or sick? Nothing in particular this week. It comes and goes still.

Labor Signs? No, not yet.

Gender? It changes every week. I am thinking boy this week because of a dream I had. 
Symptoms? Still maybe heartburn?  It still doesn't hurt but my food just doesn't stay down that well.

Belly Button in or out? In. I have an "innie" belly button by the way...
Happy or Moody most of the time: Super happy. I asked Michael if he thought I was moody and he said no.  He did say that this pregnancy has made me more dramatic though!  I tend to be a little on the dramatic side anyway so that can't be good.
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender soon. I can't wait to start painting!

Realization of the week: This is actually happening! I have been kind of a Nervous-Nelly during the first trimester. Every week was a milestone and one step closer to being out of the "danger zone".  However, I know that anything can happen and it still scares me.  I honestly haven't been that bad but I have days where I wished that I knew what was going on in there! The little "flutters" every now and then help calm me down.

13 weeks...

13 weeks 1 day...a little belly starting to make it's debut.

How far along? 13 weeks exactly

Total weight gain? None this week, thank goodness...+ 8lbs still.
Maternity clothes? Not yet. I did rock the hairband on the jeans trick last night.  Some of my jeans are about to go into storage.
Sleep? Still sleeping good.  I have been thinking about getting a body pillow though.
Best moment this week? Feeling like I have more energy!  I have been so tired!  All I do on my days off is relax.  I am looking forward to exercising more regularly, now that I feel like I do more than ten minutes of running.
Miss Anything?  Sushi!  I started to think about it and couldn't get it out of my head!!  One night I grabbed Michael, drove to one of our favorite places and indulged in a few rolls.  Don't worry, all the fish was cooked (not my favorite but it cured my craving).
Movement? I swear I started feeling flutters this week.  Some people tell me that it's too early, which bugs me.  I know the difference between gas and...whatever this is.  It's a very strange feeling that notice occasionally.  It seems like if you can feel a little gas bubble in your bowels, you should be able to feel a 3 inch fetus wiggling around.
Food cravings? Not many.  I still like fruit and sweet things but nothing very specific.  Maybe sushi :)
Anything making you queasy or sick? Not eating makes me sick.  Hunger is starting to manifest itself in different ways than just a growling stomach.  I get light headed and just plain don't feel good.  I am not a great eater so I am trying to be better at eating more regularly and being prepared with snacks so I don't get sick.
Gender Guess?  Still girl this week.  I don't know.  Not long until we find out!
Labor Signs? None yet...thank goodness.
Symptoms?  Reflux, I think?  Not so much heartburn but the other night I felt so sick because I felt like my food wouldn't stay down.  It didn't burn like I have been told heartburn does (I wouldn't know, I have never had it).
Belly Button in or out? In.
Happy or Moody most of the time: HAPPY!  I have lots to be happy about!
Looking forward to: Still looking forward to my ultrasound in a couple of days.  It's just a quick scan but it is such a relief to see that little bean wiggling all around.

Realization of the week: We have lots to do!!  I have made a list of everything we need to do to get ready for this little one's arrival and I feel overwhelmed already. I feel desperate for more space and the need to purge a lot of stuff!  I shouldn't stress...we still have about 6 months to go! I can't wait!

12 weeks...

I thought it would be fun to keep a record of happenings every week so here goes...

12 weeks 0 days

How far along? 12 weeks exactly

Total weight gain? I'm not sure I want to know.  I haven't weighed myself since August so with an IVF cycle, a miscarriage, another IVF cycle and the end of my first trimester...+ 8lbs already! Oh, well.
Maternity clothes? Not yet.  I have bought a pair of maternity stretch pants and they are way comfy but I don't need them yet.
Stretch marks? Nope..hopefully it stays that way!
Sleep? I'm sleeping just fine still.  My schedule gets off when I work nights and that is sometimes hard to recover from.
Best moment this week? Seeing this little bean on ultrasound again!  I had my first OB appointment this week and we saw little one wiggling and    moving all around.  It was crazy how much it has changed in just two weeks.
Miss Anything?  Not really.  I am just so grateful to be pregnant I would give up anything to keep it that way.
Movement? Not yet.
Food cravings? I am trying to decide.  Food for the last few weeks has not been my friend.  I haven't been that sick but nothing ever really sounds good.  I will pretty much eat anything that is put in front of me.  I did take Michael to Jamba Juice at 9pm the other night because a mango smoothie sounded so good.  I can't remember the last time I had a Jamba Juice
Anything making you queasy or sick? Not eating makes me queasy.  Also, we walked by the bikes in Wal-mart the other night and the smell of rubber made me so nauseous!  Weird.
Gender Guess?  I have been going back and forth.  Who really knows. I think girl this week.
Labor Signs? None yet...thank goodness.
Symptoms?  Starving all the time, TIRED, sore boobs were all for the first few weeks.  Now, it's just eating for necessity, sleeping as much as I can, and forgive me for saying but, my boobs are out of control!  People tell me it's just going to get worse!
Belly Button in or out? In.
Happy or Moody most of the time: HAPPY!
Looking forward to: My next ultrasound in a couple of weeks!  I could watch my baby all day.

Realization of the week: I am almost out of my first trimester!  How did I get here?  I thought I would never get past the first trimester.  I admit that I have neurotic thoughts of wondering if my baby still has a heartbeat.  I hope that heading out of the first trimester will relieve my fears a little.  

Update...I'm back...Again...

I've been a terrible blogger over the last months.  I blame it on the fact that I feel like if not talking about infertility, then I'm not being honest which is kind of dumb, I know.  I haven't wanted to talk about it.  I made a few goals for myself over the last several months and the most daunting one was to enjoy my life as is. I have a great life and I have never been able to deny that.  I am so blessed.  I get to spend everyday in a warm house that we can afford, I have enough food, I am married to the most handsome, funniest, smartest guy I have ever met, and we are still gag-me-with-a-spoon in love, etc.  But, I felt I was wasting moments that I should be enjoying more because of our childless state.  I have always known that some way or another, I would be a mom.  I tried to remind myself everyday to enjoy those childless moments that I have now.  Getting out of bed when I feel like it (it's 1:00pm and I haven't moved from it yet...don't judge, I worked four nights in a row), going to movies at the last minute, going anywhere at the last minute, having a somewhat clean and unbroken house, etc.  So, I made a goal to enjoy these moments more and not talking about infertility has really helped.  That is why I haven't blogged recently.  I'm back.  I fear that I did not have enough time to meet my goal fully because not long after I made it, this happened:

11.5 weeks
BABY HALL due SEPTEMBER 1, 2012

I guess "happened" is the wrong word.  This did not "happen" on it's own.  After the miscarriage, I was dying to try again.  I couldn't bear going through the holidays with nothing happening, even though I knew it could have potentially made our holidays a disaster.  We had one, just one, embryo on ice.  I was certain that it would fail. I felt like the FET was just a stepping stone to being able to do a fresh cycle (which the thought of nauseated me) and a chance for real success.

We told no one except for people at my work.  There was still a lot of appointments and I couldn't take care of certain infectious patients.  It's much easier to keep an FET a secret than a full fresh cycle.  We transferred on December 15th and the blood tests were on Dec. 23rd and Dec. 26th (my clinic does not tell you anything until after the second blood test).  The clinic was closed both days so I had to go somewhere else to get my blood drawn.  I went to my hospital, which of course allowed me to access my own medical records.  Michael and I had heated discussions about taking a home pregnancy test before Christmas or accessing the blood tests before Christmas.  I wanted to; he did not.  I felt like the anticipation was way worse than knowing, dealing, and having Christmas to cheer me up.  He felt the opposite.  He was afraid of a negative outcome ruining Christmas.  The few days leading to the blood test were full of distractions.  I had family here and it was full of holiday festivities.  I started to get excited because a part of me felt I was pregnant. I was starving every 3 hours and I was TIRED.  However, I was still a wreck before and after that first blood test. I was starting the think I was underestimating how devastated I would be with a negative test.  Michael and I never really came to an agreement about finding out the results.  I wasn't going to look or take a test because he felt so strongly about it, and he just assumed I was going to and was going to deal with it possibly ruining Christmas.  So, when the day came, he was a little irritated that I said I wasn't going to look or take a test because he had already wrapped his head around knowing that day.

I went to a quiet IHC lab, had my blood drawn and asked when "stat" results were posted to the medical record.  The phleb said 45 minutes.  Three hours later, after hitting refresh about a thousand times, a beautiful number of 103 came up on the screen.  I was pregnant.  I squealed, I cried, I called Michael.  He knew from
the sound of my voice.  I went to work, only to be told to go home and celebrate.  I had the best Christmas present ever.  I didn't need anything else.

The day after Christmas, I went to have my blood drawn again. I was nervous again.  This is the part that did not go so well for us last time.  I had a great number but it needed to double.  I was just going to wait until my clinic called but they called and said they hadn't seen the results yet.  I panicked and went online on my phone and there was a nice number next to the 103...460!  It had more than doubled.  I was so happy!  460 is quite a large number for 10 days post transfer.  I started wondering of embryos splitting and identical twins.  My clinic called and gave me the good news.  The NP asked if I cheated and I fessed-up.  She said she would have too. I had another blood draw 10 days after that and it only needed to be around 1200...it was 6325.  I got scheduled for my first ultrasound at 7 weeks to "see how many are in there".  Just one.  A relief.

I have had four ultrasounds (the one of few beauties of infertility...heavy monitoring) and every ultrasound has looked perfect. I had my first OB appointment this week and baby is measuring ahead of schedule.  I have hesitated to publish this post.  Although I don't really believe in jinxes, it just all seems too good to be true. I am nearing the end of my first trimester (I am 12 weeks today) and it still doesn't seem real.  I will post about the pregnancy so far, later.  Michael and I were a mess before our first ultrasound because we never really got so far as to see a heartbeat last time.  I guess we keep expecting bad news which is horrible but it is very hard not to.  So far, no bad news...just amazing blessings, left and right.